Divorce and Children – Different Rules, Different Homes After Divorce
Posted by admin on Mar 16, 2010
You’re divorced and you have kids. How do you handle different rules and discipline between mom’s house and dad’s house? Do you have any say about what goes on in the other parent’s home anymore?
Here’s how one of my readers expressed her frustration:
“My two children are with my ex every other weekend and they have a totally different set of rules in his house than in mine. They stay up late, eat a lot of sugar, homework never seems to get done, and they have no discipline. When they get back to my house, my children are irritable, overtired and rude. They seem to take a full day before they settle back in. What can I do?”
It’s not uncommon for the difference in parenting styles between parents to become glaringly obvious after separation. Children, depending on their age, usually do experience some transition time to get used to the unique rhythms of each household.
Ultimately, all you’re really able to control is being clear about the expectations you have for your children and being consistent with them. You have little control over what happens “over there” at your ex-partner’s house. (Unless there is reason to believe your children’s lives are being endangered, in which case you need to speak to your ex and/or call the appropriate authorities).
With the homework issue, for example, let your children know that they are responsible for getting their own homework done in time for school regardless of whether they are at mom’s or dad’s house. Teach them about the importance of good nutrition. Children figure out pretty quickly how to play one parent off the other, so let them know they have certain responsibilities they need to meet.
You can also set up a discussion with your ex to discuss the transition between houses. Approach it with the intention of seeking cooperation. Always keep your children’s best interests in mind. After all, you’re no longer married but you’ll always be parents so in the long-run you need to learn how to co-parent together.
Leave any editorializing or judgment out. For example, “Aren’t you paying any attention? These kids are cranky and running wild at your house!” is not likely to foster open dialogue.
Be factual and describe what you see. Try something like, “When the kids come back to my house, they appear overtired and don’t have their homework done. They have a hard time getting to school the next day. How can we address this issue?” This opens the door to open communication and problem-solving.
Remember, you must also be open for feedback on what’s going on at your house from your ex as well. Part of having an effective communication with your ex includes you listening.
By: Carolyn Ellis
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Dr Phil and His Divorce – What Happened to Happily Ever After?
Posted by admin on Mar 15, 2010
I will be the first to admit that I was shocked to hear that Dr. Phil was getting a divorce. Could it really be true that the man we invited into our home everyday to help solve our problems was in trouble himself? What shakes the foundation even more is the fact that Phil and, his wife, Robin have been married for 31 years.
One would think after 31 of years of marriage maybe Dr. Phil actually knew what he was talking about. I mean it is not often that you hear someone has been together that long especially celebrity couples.
So why would they even consider divorce in the first place?
Jealous rages and controlling behavior appear to be the number one issue. His wife has been content to be mother and domestic goddess for many years. But with the success of his show she has taken more of a role outside of the home now. Initially, he enjoyed the fact that she wanted to take part in his new found success on the show. It was a gradual process from attending show tapings to landing her own television gigs.
Now that she enjoys being on set and taking on more jobs outside of the home Phil is becoming – well, a brat. It seems he wants her to go back to being just the domestic goddess that he comes home to while he gets all of the celebrity attention. That sounds selfish to me. Perhaps now would be a good time for Dr. Phil to reflect on some of that advice he has doled out to others over the years. If he does not take his own advice he might wind up another casualty.
A study published in the Journal of Marriage and the Family indicated that divorce is linked to unhappiness and depression. Divorced persons were more likely to be depressed, and those who had divorced more than once were likely to be depressed more frequently. Dr. Phil has been divorced before.
In a study of some 200 people, it was found that divorce left men and women emotionally distraught for an average of seven years, others for decades. Interestingly, the one thing that divorce did not affect was the unhealthy pattern of behavior that led the couple to divorce in the first place. No wonder, then, second marriages are more likely to fail than first marriages. As most of us know Dr. Phil’s first marriage was somewhat of a disaster. Guess why? He was controlling then and he seems to be falling back into his old habit again by being controlling with Robin.
In the time it takes to read this page, four marriages will end in divorce in the United States. Every minute, on the average, more than two marriages are officially dissolved. With such horrific stats, you would think Dr. Phil would step back from his situation and practice what he preaches.
By: Sherry L Harris
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Wills and Probate
Posted by admin on Mar 14, 2010
A will could be made by anyone who is legally competent and at least 18 years of age. The person should be of a sound mind. When a will is being prepared, a testator or the person preparing the will should understand value of his property or estate. He should also be fully aware of the people to whom his belongings will be transferred.
For a will to be valid, it must meet several legal requirements. The laws for validating a will vary from state to state, usually requiring two or more witnesses. The process of determining a will’s validity is called probate, which means to prove or testify.
After the death of a testator, an orderly procedure is needed to assist in the proper transfer of property. A probate helps in ensuring that affairs of the deceased are duly settled. It safeguards the deceased’s estate, and also helps in paying all debts and taxes. It enlists the names of people entitled to the property and the type of assets. The probate has information that helps in distributing property according to the wishes of the testator.
In most cases, a personal representative or an executor is responsible for handling and settling the deceased’s estate. His responsibilities include contacting the heirs and creditors concerning probate proceedings. He determines and pays for state, federal and income taxes. If necessary, the executor may have to sell some part of the property in order to pay pending taxes and expenses.
Probate courts handle issues such as name changes and guardianship proceedings. They handle proving the will, appointing an executor, and settling the estate. When a person applies for probate, he is promising the probate court that he will deal with the estate, as set out in the will and according to law. If he doesn’t follow the proceedings of the will, he may have trouble with the court and with the people who should benefit from the will. When there is no will or there are no executors named in the will or the executors have died, the official form is called a letter of administration.
By: Josh Riverside
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